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Fri, April 28
Take Your Ashley To Work Day
So I fudged the rules a little and brought my little sister to "Take Your Children To Work Day" yesterday. I wanted to be able to spend the whole day with her, so I signed up as an "Assistant to Group Leader". Lauren was the "Group Leader" so it was basically the two of us in charge of ten rambunctious ten and eleven year olds.
We started the day off with some "Ice Breakers" games. We played "Two Truths and a Lie" and each kid had to tell two truths about themselves, and one lie. Whenever you ask a kid to tell you about him or herself, he or she will always say, "I have X (insert brother/s and/or sister/s), a X (insert type of pet), and I live in X (insert town name)." Rarely do they go into any detail about themselves. It was easy to tell when the kids were lying because each one talked about either having a dog or not having a dog as his or her choice lie. But Ashley threw everyone for a loop when one of the three things about herself was, "I'm allergic to cats." No one guessed that that was her lie. Instead they called her out because she said she lives in New Jersey. I guess that sounds pretty outrageous, huh?
I spent the better part of the morning trying to be cheery and upbeat while fighting off a runny nose, watery eyes, and pounding headache (allergy season!!!). I think air conditioning helped because by the end of the day I only had a somewhat runny nose, slightly watery eyes, and a dull throbbing headache.
What is it with kids and fart noises? I swear, put a bunch of them in a room, and within two minutes, someone will make a fart noise. Its the law of child social physics. Oh, and just for kicks I recommend you add balloons into the mix. Balloons provide endless hours of fun and joy because the kids can blow them up to maximum capacity then let 'em loose to go flying all over the room as they blow out bad breath and spit all over the place. And it sounds like farts. It is especially awesome when a wad of spit lands on an adult's cheek.
Interesting equation: Brother plus Sister = mayhem. We had two brother/sister pairs in our group and there was not a moment when I didn't have to physically prohibit one from hitting/kicking/flicking/jabbing the other.
Oh, and I also learned that I now have a stern "Mom Voice." This is the voice that warns, "Don't you DARE try to jam your sister's finger in the door again OR ELSE. Because I'M the one in charge." This is a voice that stops kids dead in their tracks. I never had this voice before. It only manifested itself yesterday.
I was amazed at how technilogically savvy these kids all were. The day mainly consisted of designing "the book of the future". The kids had to do a poster that showed what this product would look like, how it worked, and what it could do. These kids were rattling off ideas about downloading and uploading pictures, music, etc., and using solar power to power it and usb cords, etc. I only knew what a USB chord was, like, last week. And they did such a great job at the big presentation at the end--all of them were eager to say their part. Overal the day was a huge sucess and worth the headache.
Ash got to come to see my office and meet my coworkers. Everyone said she is like a mini me. Except much cuter. I have to agree. As my mom said to me when I was eleven and we were walking to the park when a truck driver honked at us: "Oh honey. That was for you. I've given up my throne."
Posted by lexzog at Fri, April 28 | Comments (0)
Wed, April 26
Fry My Pie
I know you thought you’d never hear me say this but…(iloveddallas.) What? Please speak up. WHAT DID YOU SAY? (I said I loved Dallas.) You what? Ok, I really really loved it. Even though I was the only brunette with less than a D cup but hey...Its cool to stand out.
We left on Thursday and arrived in time to heat up some ordered in pizza (delivery stops at like, 8pm) at Emily and Jon’s house. It was so weird to see Em as a married woman complete with household and garbage disposal (I know that is random, but you never see a garbage disposal in the city. It’s almost a symbol of suburban matrimonial life.) The pizza didn’t hold a candle to New York’s pies, but when you’ve been avoiding grain products all week for Passover, ANY bread will do. We drank wine and caught up, then passed out on our air mattress. Em has become Susie Homemaker: She laid out a basket in the “guest bathroom” (haha I know. An extra bathroom? Insane!) with new shampoo and conditioner, body wash and lotion all in purple bottles. It was too much. We woke up the next morning, and J and Em went to find a Starbucks (she insisted on driving with J to show him where it was, afraid he’d get lost. It was down two blocks and to the right) then made us eggs and burnt bacon (and that’s how I like it.)
J really wanted to see the Dallas Museum of Art. What a beautiful museum. Sadly, I think it is only used for school trips and giant gala fundraisers. There was hardly a soul in it. That’s the funny thing about Dallas—there’s all this space and hardly anyone filling it. There must have been ten people total in the museum, besides the elementary Catholic school kids on a field trip. I’m pretty sure the other 7 people were out-of-towners too. We looked at the Greek and Roman pottery and sculpture, and moved onto European art. There was a very striking painting of Jesus and Pontius Pilate where the light forced the viewer’s eye to concentrate on Jesus’ battered body. One of the Catholic school boys walked up to it with his classmate and said, “Do you know what’s going on here?” The other boy responded, “I have no idea.” Then they looked at each other, both shrugged, and ran off. What do they teach kids in religious schools anyway? I was surprised to find a Goya sketch hidden in a little cranny of the museum. There was a beautiful Courbet that I’d never seen before ("Fox in the Snow"). We also visited the sculpture garden, which had this awesome sculpture of people walking up a pole into the sky. I’ll try to post a picture. The weather was so beautiful. It was a perfect day.
Em took us to a hole in the wall, real Texas BBQ place: Peggy Sue BBQ. Say that out loud. Just rolls off your tongue. Emily ordered a brisket quesadilla, which was so good, J made us go back again the next day with friends from the wedding party so we could order our own. The T-shirts that the servers wore said, “Fry My Pie.”Did you know that they fry pies in Texas? I didn’t either. Talk about heavy food.
We walked off lunch at a nearby park and sat on the dock. J played us tunes off of his cell phone and we made voice overs for the ducks swimming by. “Hey buddy! Hands off! That’s my chick!” On our walk back, we saw a guy on a bike get yelled at for taking pictures of one of the houses lining the lake. “I swear I was just looking at a black bird. I wasn’t trying to er, I mean. I was only taking a picture! I meant no harm.” Maybe someone famous was in the house. I don’t know—but they required lawn security.
Jon came home to Em, J and I passing out in the living room. It felt kind of like, “Yay! Daddy’s home!” We all got ready, and Jon made us drinks. It was only 6pm and we went from vodka tonics to Flaming Dr. Peppers. For the first time in my whole life I had a “Mind Eraser.” We were encouraged to take our drinks in the car in plastic cups. This is actually legal in Texas.
Dinner was with Em’s Texas friends at a happening Tex Mex place. It was so funny to see all these young people out and about while it was still daylight while we NYC folk tend to eat as late as midnight on weekends. We weren’t even hungry, but we made room for “Mambo Taxis”: a blend of frozen margherita and sangria. Em wanted us all to go to a honky-tonk place called Gillies to ride the mechanical bull, but no one except for me was into it. Everyone feigned not knowing where Gillies was. So J and I said goodbye and headed over to the post-rehearsal dinner for the next day’s wedding. I was too exhausted to feel like making a good impression on his high school friends, but it was nice to finally meet some of them. I guess we hit it off because we all had a blast together dancing at the wedding the next day.
After the aforementioned 2nd visit to Peggy Sues, J and I visited the rooftop hotel pool. Even though it was icky and ice cold, I did a few laps. Then it was time to get ready for the ceremony.
I never know what to do when I’m in a church. Do I say “amen” after the prayers? Do I not say anything or is that rude? Its awkward for a Jew.
The wedding was fun once people started dancing. There was major Elvis love from the band. J tried to get a line dance going, but he was the only one excited about it. It wasn’t the cow boy hat Texas wedding we’d gotten in Vegas for Em and Jon…But we were happy that they held onto the Texas tradition of having a chocolate groom’s cake. ;)
I was the only one there not married or engaged. I can’t believe all his friends are in such a different stage of life than I am. They all LOOK as young as I do. But their lives are so different. Their every day conversation includes phrases that start with, “My husband.”
The next day J and I went for a walk and explored a park that had this cool structure in it. It was very linear, and had a still water pool that somehow always stays exactly at the same level, and a running waterfall. I guess we were trespassing ‘cuz this State Trooper looking security guy came over and told us he’d spotted us from one of the 24 hidden cameras in the park. Apparently it was “private property” and we “wuz trespassin’.” He had all of three teeth (yellow), and a moustache like the “Colonel” from the Kentucky Friend Chicken logo. Em and Jon drove up just in time to pick us up for our goodbye brunch.
Em and Jon are building a house. A house! Four bedrooms. They promised when we come visit again we can stay in one of the guest bedrooms. I am so there. I miss my Emmy so much.
Posted by lexzog at Wed, April 26 | Comments (0)
Mon, April 24
Show on May 9th at Mo Pitkins!
Posted by lexzog at Mon, April 24 | Comments (0)
Wed, April 19
Can We Just Discuss...
How great a movie UNFAITHFUL is? And just how gorgeous Diane Lane is? I just need a moment...
Boy did I have a hard day. Well, I did. Work was nuts, so I took my lunch break to finish the Fiction section of The New Yorker: a fictionalized account of the last day of Muhammad Atta. My reading experience was slightly marred by the fact that I was sitting right behind a bunch of fat banker boy's behinds. Down wind, if you know what I mean...So after work, I got my nails done. I met a nice girl who happens to live in my building. Go figure. Nice to make new friends.
Met Jen for dinner at Perbacco cafe. We explained to the waiter why we couldn't order his prized meat balls ("We're observing Passover. No bread.") when the table next to us overheard and exclaimed, "I thought tonight was the last night of Passover!" Apparently there are some disagreements about when Passover exactly ends. To be safe, I'm banking on tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night J and I will be in Texas for yet ANOTHER wedding. But first we're hanging with Em and Jon at their Dallas pad. I'm so excited. We're gonna do authentic Tex-Mex and then ride a mechanical bull.
Did I mention that last weekend I was visiting my friend Gill in D.C.? I'm a woman of the world. Or, at least the States. I liked D.C. The museums were free (anything owned by the Smithsonian), the weather was warmer, and the food was slightly cheaper. Gill has the hugest apartment: A duplex with a spare room for her boyfriend's studio, tons of light, a winding staircase. I bet she pays what I pay for just my little East Village room. Friday night we hung out in Adam's Morgan and had dinner at a Latin themed place. We had mojitos, and excellent fish. Then on Saturday Gill took me to the Holocaust Museum. We spent hours there. I wanted to absorb all the information, but it was just so much to take in. Funny how no matter how many times I read about the events that led up to it, I can still manage to forget some things. It didn't dampen our day, however. We sat on the lawn by the Mall, took in the sun, walked to a tea place called "Teaisms" which is where I would absolutely live if I lived in D.C. And by live, I mean eat in for every meal of the day. It is SO CHEAP. You can get a bowl of sweet potatoes in a spicy Asian peanut sauce for $2.50, or a bowl of cucumber ginger salad. Ice tea has free refills. Can't beat it! Saturday night we met up with one of Gill's friends in Georgetown for dinner. It was very much a college scene. Tons of kids crawling everywhere. I liked it for a day, and was happy I live in New York.
I'm taking Allegra, which I think is why I required a nap on Saturday. And also why I fell asleep during a one on one meeting yesterday. Literally, I was dreaming. But it wasn't my fault! I blame pollen.
So right now I'm trying to figure out what to do with the room that we'll have open once Liv leaves in June. My bro is interested in living there during the summer--not the worst idea. It would make the 'rents happy, but...Hello? Welcome back to high school. Or childhood, rather. I just know I'm going to go nuts yelling at him to keep the toilet seat down and take his dirty shoes off when he walks in.
I hear The West End is closing. Aly told me last night, when we met up for some corporate promotional party at Bowlmor Lanes. I couldnt' believe. West End is a mainstay of Columbia culture! How else are the underage kids going to drink? Where shall they go? Skeevy Soha on Amsterdam? Cannons (is that even still open)? Nacho Mamas is lame, and I think it is under new ownership. And The Heights? They only open their rooftop one night a year. Poor Columbia kids! The Beat poets are going to turn over in their graves...
Speaking of Bowlmor. I've been going to this party every year. I make a point not to miss it--how can you refuse an open bar and food FOR FREE? Aly and Jen and I took over a pool table and pretended we were badass pool players. I actually overheard a guy tell the girl he was with, "You know, I have a pool table back at my place." Lamo.
Working on the next show...May 9th at Mo Pitkins. I'm so excited. We're getting the BIG ROOM--the one one usually has to pay for to have a show there. I don't like charging people entry fees for something they got to experience for free nine times before. If you're in the neighborhood, please stop by. The show starts at 8:30pm. Dan is working on making me a website hopefully.
Alright. More after Texas!
Posted by lexzog at Wed, April 19 | Comments (0)
Tue, April 18
Why Didn't I Write This Book?
You Are SO Not Invited to My Bat-Mitzvah
I wasn't invited to Dana's Bat-Mitzvah in 7th grade. Neither was my best friend Lindsay. We cried at my house, over our after school snacks, and finally our moms got together and decided something had to be done: They called Dana's mom and somehow said something (I'm sure it was innapropriate) that miraculously made an invitation appear in both of our mailboxes the next day. We were embarassed but in the end, smugly satisfied. It was THE hottest party of the year. Dana was the first leap year baby to be born in New York City so the theme was "Little Miss Leap Year" and it was at the Tamcrest Country Club in Creskill, NJ. Someone asked me where my dress was from. I lied and said, "I think Betsy Johnson." "Really?" the girl asked as she proceeded to grab my shoulders, spin me around, reached into the back of my dress and inspected the tag. "No, it is NOT a Betsy Johnson," she said, and walked away. The shame.
Posted by lexzog at Tue, April 18 | Comments (0)