« September 2005 | Main | November 2005 »
Mon, October 31
Girls You Have to Read This
I see a lot of myself in her article--but I seem to fall all over the map. Yes, I am concerned with looks and staying slim and buying nice clothes--the whole New York Gal About Town, Carrie Bradshaw ideal. I also have a job in publishing--children's books no less. How much MORE could I be playing into the whole feminine role? Yet, within the confines of this female environment, (an extension of my Barnard experience?), I find myself clawing tooth and nail to make it to the top. I want to be a BIG editor. I want to be an author. I want to manage other people. Editor in Chief. Publisher. I strive to make it in this business and not just slink by.
But then...maybe I don't. Maybe at some point I will listen to what my grandma always told me (and I always ignored), "Why work so hard? Nothing wrong with a B plus. You shouldn't worry aboute the A." The A in this case, being THE BIG CAREER. Is it worth it? All the headaches? The long hours? No time to be with your husband and family?
And what about my kids? I had such a great childhood. If I was sick I could call mom and she'd come pick me up and make me a hard boiled egg and toast while I watched cartoons. When school was over and it was just the most god-awful day, mom was there waiting in the car in the school parking lot to pick me up. Maybe she'd take me to the mall to cheer me up. Or, when we got home, she'd make me an english muffin with peanut butter. Would I want to deprive my kids of the same kind of comfort I received? I honestly don't know.
Almost all the really high powered women I know or aspire to be like have not been able to pull off the work-life balance. Something always has to give. Who do I chose to model myself after?
Most of my female friends have big dreams. We all feel deep inside that we're meant to do something BIG and make an impact on society/culture in some way. But when we really start talking about our futures, and having children, many of us truly find ourselves stumped. And then we whisper, so that no one at neighboring tables at the restaurant can hear, "Would you ever be a stay at home mom?"
And the whole old fashioned rules dating thing? I say that yes, it really IS true. As my mother always says, "You could talk yourself OUT of a relationship." All this honesty and talking openly about feelings--expressing what is on your mind at every moment--it don't work. Whenever I get really heated or upset over something J says, I typically do not say something to him. Not just then. I call my mom, vent, and then probably vent to a couple willing to listen friends. Usually whatever I was feeling had to do with other things that I was taking out on the relationship itself or overanalyzing, or just wasn't a battle worth picking. If the issue is important enough, it always ends up coming up again, and when not in the heat of the moment, is always easier to reconcile and talk about with J.
And on the topic of the dating ritual--the whole men paying for women thing. I have spoken to so many girlfriends about this lately for some reason. In the early dating stages, we really like it when the guy doesn't let us pay. If he does, it just doesn't sit right. I was so impressed when on our first date, J took me to Balthazar and ordered champagne and raw bar, and two desserts. It was the most impressive first date of my life (especially since I had strictly dated artists and musicians before, i.e. guys with no real jobs). My previous boyfriend was so poor, we considered a date reading together in a cafe over one cup of coffee. I had to pay for him if I wanted us to go eat somewhere.
In my early dating days with J, I don't think I paid for a thing. I felt taken care of, in a symbolic way too. It was comforting. I liked being in a very female role and was surprised at myself too. I'd never been like that before.
Obviously many other qualities impressed me about him as well or I wouldn't be where I am, and now we have a system worked out where I pay for smaller expenses and the occasional splurge. The main reason being, I can't afford to pay for many of the things we do! But I like to somehow pay my share even though it doesn't nearly match his generosity. Bottom line is, the ol' dating ritual worked on me and worked for us. After the initial "cat and mouse" dating chase, however, I think both parties should attempt to cover costs with within their own reasonable means.
BUT--if on a first date you absolutely know that you are not into a guy--please do not let him pay. I think that is horrible. Unless he absolutely positively insists. Otherwise you are just prostituting yourself (via conversation, and your time only, I hope) for a free meal.
Okay, this is all over the place. But I hope you readers (all three of you) comment back. I'd love an open forum on the topic of the role of women, the lack of feminisim thiese days, and whatever is on your mind...
Posted by lexzog at Mon, October 31 | Comments (1)
Sun, October 30
And for Her Next Act....
After J's party Friday night I completely was a zombie. Since I was staying over J's that night I knew that I would have to wait until every last party straggler left, but by that time my friends Michele and Lucy had shown up (3 am?) and we started talking, I didn't want them to leave. In my sleepy, mildly drunken state I think I tried to convince Lucy to let me be a hair model for her advertising company...So all the next day when I had planned on a supercharged shopping excursion with mom in Jersey, all I wanted was to curl up in the corner of a dressing room and sleep.
My sister was really cute though--she was wearing a shirt she got on her birthday that said, "All this and brains too!" I should get one of those (hah hah).
I slept on the train ride from Penn Station to Cold Spring Harbor for J's friend's "I got my PHD" party. I slept on the couch DURING the party. I was so tired, I could hardly muster the energy to eat the cake that had been shaped like a champagne bottle (a first for me, on both counts).
Thank goodness for daylight savings. I think I have caught up now. So when did I start becoming an old lady? I used to party like a rock star!
Thursday night I went to art class at Spring St. Our model was a really cute red head, with curves that were so much fun to draw. I marveled at her confidence--during the breaks, she would slip on her underwear and just kind of slink around the studio, lazily looking at the drawings that people had made of her. I mean, yes, you do have to be confident in your body to be a nude model, but most models quickly put on a robe as soon as the posing session breaks. I felt like we were all spectators in her bedroom, while she walked around half naked as she pleased like no one was looking. Funny, I was more uncomfortable seeing her half dressed and so nonchalant about it than when she was completely nude.
Going to J's where I hope I end up finishing my book. But there are many house guests there tonight, so hmm...Unlikely.
Still need to write about being in Long Island for the day today, and how much like another world it is...Especially around that "Americana" outdoor mall where people "do a little shopping" at stores like Bottega Veneta, Chanel, and Dior. For me, "a little shopping" is buying John Frieda at Duane Reade!
Posted by lexzog at Sun, October 30 | Comments (0)
Wed, October 26
Alexis Meets a Podium
Yesterday afternoon I had to give a grand ol' presentation as part of our launch of Fall 2006's books. Must have been, oh, seventy people in the room. This was the first time many of these people would either see me, or connect the person they see scurrying around in the halls with a purpose in this company. My big debut! So...I go up to the podium, place the books I was about to represent on the podium ledge, and begin my witty introduction to the alphabet book I was presenting: "A is for apple. B is for ball. But B is also for...Bye bye slideshow?!" Just as I was speaking, the projector screen started curling back up into the cieling. The microphone turned off. In fact, all the power having to do with the entire launch had been turned off by ME.
That was it. My big debut.
Everyone was pretty nice about it...We all had a good laugh later, and many people agreed that after a long day of presentations, it was nice to have a little distraction.
I guess they'll remember who I am NOW.
Oh and by the way, sorry the story about the shampoo was so confusing. I was too tired to write. The keyboard is lethal!
For the record, Jarrett is spelled like that, not Jarrad. He gets mad when I spell it wrong.
Posted by lexzog at Wed, October 26 | Comments (1)
Tue, October 25
Rain Rain Go Away
I hate coming home late because my body is usually exhausted but my brain just wants to play. I used up some of that energy searching for songs that I've been meaning to upload on my ipod. At that wedding I went to a week ago I heard the original "Gold Digger" track and am determined to find it. Of course! There is no original rap music anymore. I even question if that is indeed Jamie Fox on background vocals. This weekend while I whiled away being cooped up with strangers at Jarrad's girlfriends house in the Hamptons, there happened to be a good mix playing on someone's ipod (via speakers). It was "Just One of Those Things" by the Brazilian Girls. I recommend it. But here's my other music search question--you know that car commercial that has this repetetive techno-ish background that sounds like "Just breathe" over and over? Who sings that? I thought it was the Brazilian Girls but I can't find it on itunes.
Back to the weekend...Went to the Hamptons with J, and it was nice to hang with Jarrad and Emily and their other friend Emily but when I realized that the next day, three more people would be joining us, it was just too crowded for me. Especially being cooped up in the rain. I would have liked to get to know fewer people better instead of so many people superficially.
I could not tear myself away from "Something Borrowed" by Amy Giffin, which I thought would be chic lit bore but instead was quite extroadinary story telling. I was the ultimate party pooper--I only got up occasionally to see what snacks were being picked at in the kietchen. Nothing could come between me and my book except the occasional trivial pursuit questions.
Friday night dinner at J's grandma's house was wonderful. I don't know if it is coincidence or some higher power, but even his grandparent's bathroom smells like my grandma's. Its hard to be around a German accent without thinking about her. It would have been her birthday on Saturday.
On to happier things--Just got back from a full evening. Took a fun spin class on 73rd and Central Park West because my African Dance class was too late. Met Stephen at a shady bar with flashing neon on the corner of 73rd and Amsterdam, where a drunk man at the bar was pretty much foaming at the mouth. We got out of there hopefully without picking up too many germs. And because it was pouring rain, we stopped into the first restaurant we could find--albeit way out of my price range right now: Citrus. Delicious. I don't know why I thought one sushi entree would be enough, so once we were through with the sashimi (that came with three dipping sauces!), we had to really rally to eat the pork chop. You know, at some point, eating has nothing to do with hunger, but instead, just fun?
We ran through the rain to Stand Up New York where my coworker/friend was performing. My boss, and other coworkers were there. Slightly awkward to sit through all the dirty jokes and race jokes with coworkers, but we made it through. Of course one comedian picked on Stephen, "Hey Guy in the striped shirt!", and asked him if I was his girlfriend, if we were ona date, and then asked if he was married. Funny because it was his marriage that we usually spend a lot of time talking about during our dinners, and of course that's the sore spot this guy choses to poke at. Also, keep in mind, my boss was there. But, she has a sense of humor, so not that bad.
So apparently J thinks I am a shampoo theif. This weekend, while showering at our friend's house, I forgot to bring my Biolage shampoo into the shower. Lo and behold--our host had a Biolage shampoo exactly the same as mine in that very shower. I didn't feel like getting out to get my shampoo and instead used a pea sized amount of hers.
Before we fell asleep, J told me my hair smelled nice. "What shampoo did you use?" he asked. I assumed this was to figure out what the nice smell could be. And so to dispel his thought that I used a different shampoo, since that is usually why people smell different all of a sudden, I said, "I used my shampoo." Because, technically, the type of shampoo I used of Emily's was the exact same kind as mine. "But your shampoo wasn't in the shower when I was in the bathroom," he noted. "Right," I told him. "I forgot to bring my shampoo into the shower. I used Em's shampoo because it was the same kind I use." "But you just said you used YOUR shampoo." He announced victorously. "Yes, I used MY brand of shampoo." I insisted. This one was hard to win. He accused me of being both a thief and a liar. I still stand that I answered him in the way I had interpreted his question. Did I use my shampoo? Yes, I did. My brand. And wasn't it the "guest" shampoo anyway? For the record, I used the recommended "pea sized" amount. Worth arguing about? Probably not.
G'nite. Sionara.
Posted by lexzog at Tue, October 25 | Comments (1)
Tue, October 18
The Show!
This show was the show to end all Inner Monologues Shows. I have NEVER seen Apocalypse Lounge so packed! Before even a handful of my friends had arrived, the place had already run out of seats (also might have been due to the shortage of seats but hey). I was so happy to see so many good friends of mine turn up for the show...And the writers were fantastic. Jonna and Jarrad both gave their best performances to date. Jessica's band performed the hair raising tale of "The Haunted Pu-sy" (a tale about what happens to a young girl when she gets raped by a ghost. hauntedpussy.com.
Emily had amazing delivery. Edmund decided to ad-lib his story (I think that was a last minute decision but I liked it). And I wrote this:
Download file
Don't know if mom would approve but...The story is in the telling!
Posted by lexzog at Tue, October 18 | Comments (0)
Sun, October 16
Big Fat Greek Orthodox Wedding
Have you ever been to a wedding at Cipriani's? No? How about a Greek wedding at Cipriani's? Well, let me tell you, if you ever get invited to one, DON'T GO! Because, if you do go, any other wedding you go to will not measure up. I mean, how do you top this: You enter the reception and are greeted by waiters in suits, holding peach nectar bellinis. The cocktail hour has shrimp bigger than your hand, and tuna tartare as big as cupcakes. There is so much to choose from, from grilled eggplant to baby artichokes to endive and goat cheese. But the good thing is you aren't allowed to serve yourself--ten attendants are waiting to place each savory dish on your plate. And during the actual party, hundreds of dollar bills are thrown into the air like confetti. Hundreds! I knew this definitely wasn't a Jewish wedding because with all those bills flying, you know the guests would be on the floor)
Maybe this was a singular experience but what a wonderful time.It also helped that the party had many of the friends that I have gotten to know of J's since we started dating. The girlfriends/fiancees/wives and I decided we need to get together on our own without the boys, as they often have THEIR boys nights. I learned how to Greek dance, and watched the dance circles show off the gorgeous bride. What a dress! Custom made of course, fit over her jealosy inspiring thin body like second skin. The best part about it were the two diagonal straps that were just for decoration in the back, connecting to a bias cut front of the dress.
The party started at 4 so by 11 we felt like it was 2 in the morning. My heels! I could hardly walk. Thank goodness the party was just blocks away from J's...
Can I tell you what makes a near perfect Sunday night? "Pretty Woman" on TV. There is no better background noise to making dinner and doing laundry than that movie. Though every time I watch it I feel that the moral of the story gets worse and worse.
Ok, so the show is tomorrow. I'm excited about my two new readers, and Jess Delfino's performance...
Posted by lexzog at Sun, October 16 | Comments (1)
Thu, October 13
Yom Kippur: The Aftermath
I think I just ate so much my belly button ring popped out.
But really, in all seriousness the backing to the ring must have come loose and rolled off. Now I am wearing one of my very first rings, and its TOO SMALL since my last piece of jewelry had a larger piece. Grrrr. Now I need to buy a new one :( Of all things!
Does this mean I wasn't a good Jew this year? Hm...
Posted by lexzog at Thu, October 13 | Comments (0)
Wed, October 12
Home Again
Home for the fast. Not sure I am going to fast this year. I don't think my mind goes where God intended...By the time we leave temple I usually can't wait to go home and see how flat my stomach is. I used to step on the scale every hour just to see the water weight disappear. Then I'd think, hey, this fasting thing isn't so bad, why don't I do this more often? And this is HORRIBLE because I'm not thinking about Jewish things like I should.
I don't think it will be quite like that this year because already I am a little sad about my grandmother who passed away almost two years ago now, and my dad is playing guitar which makes me feel a little like the blues. And I know he is thinking about his brother, who died on the night before Yom Kippur when I was just four.
Tonight I didn't feel like going to temple, I just wanted to sit around the kitchen and drink wine while mom cooked. Then I painted watercolors with Ash and her friend. Played some piano--the same songs I've been playing since I stopped taking lessons.
Work is killing me. It is not hard but it takes a lot of energy to get through the day. Makes me feel a bit too drained creatively to write. Which is why painting and dancing is so much easier. Its more natural. Requires less of that side of my brain.
I meant to write about the U2 concert I went to last Friday. Like the Coldplay concert, it was one of those amazingly happy events where everyone around you is smiling and the messages in the music are peace and lovey things. J and I thought they could have done a few more upbeat songs, but we had a great time. At one point a guy from the crowd got on stage with Bono, took of his shirt, then Bono clung to the guy's leg and sang while the dude threw his two fists up in the air in a Victory stance and you could tell this moment went down as the BEST TIME IN HIS WHOLE LIFE.
Saturday night Tom invited us to see Robert Kline's comedy show taping. I remembered the "I Can't Stop My Leg" routine, but that was the highlight of the show. Listening to an old guy sing about Viagra isn't exactly my kind of comedy.
Yesterday at work, someone brought over a big container of pastries from Mangia that were left over from a morning meeting. We all milled around it examining the various scones and danish. My boss came around to see the bounty of food, which is cute because she loves to eat and she is so dainty and tiny even though she lives on cookies. My coworker joked, "Look E---, its you favorite: Anything!"
Posted by lexzog at Wed, October 12 | Comments (0)
Tue, October 11
Inner Monologues VII This Monday!!!
Posted by lexzog at Tue, October 11 | Comments (0)
Wed, October 5
I Must Make Them Look Good
There seems to be a somewhat disturbing trend going on.
Last week I went with my father to a symposium on women's health rights. It was fascinating and disturbing (though I haven't yet gotten to the aforementioned disturbing trend) because I learned that in the State of Mississippi (whew! did I spell that right?) anyone in the health service industry has the right to refuse service to a woman who has attempted an at-home abortion. For example, if someone who has just administered an abortion themselves calls for an ambulance, the EMT's have a right to refuse to pick her up. Horrible. Awful. We talked about women in third world countries, and how 1 in 16 women will die of giving birth. A woman who proclaimed she was a feminist got up to talk about the morning after pill, but first stated she believes women are the superior sex and men are mere "accessories". Oh, and she also believed that fetuses are "parasites". Don't get me started.
But the really disturbing thing happened after the symposium. I had noticed a very attractive twenty-something student moving about at the reception afterward, and she also showed up at the dinner at The Village Crown. Dad and I hadn't quite seated ourselves, when she came up to talk up my dad about the things he said at the symposium and how interesting his responses were. But it was more than that--I truly think she was hitting on him. Like, in a "hey, Professor" kind of way. She even sat right at the table with us, and asked me questions about him. "So what does your father do?" and all that. She ended up being really nice, and I was happy to have a normal person to talk to (everyone else there was a certified genius), but still. Hitting on dad? Gross.
I thought it was a complete fluke, but it happened again today...with my mom. Mom, my roomate Dena (who had come to our house for the Jewish holiday) and I were walking through the parking lot at Riverside Square mall, when this guy just stops dead in his tracks and says to my mom, "Where ya goin'?" She tells him she's shopping and he says, "No! You have to come to Houston's (restaurant)." I thought he was a soliciter, until he proceeded, "Come inside, have a drink with me!" She was laughing, and Dena and I were just shocked at the whole thing. My mom tells him that really, she was just on her way to the mall, and he says, "Come on...Alright, alright, look at you, I must be out of my mind to think..." I mean, I've been with my mom when she's gotten honked at or whistled at, but this guy was in serious hot pursuit. Finally he sees he's not getting anywhere, and says, "Ok, but I'll be thinking about you for the next week." Phew. Thank goodness there's a time limit to these things.
In other news...I finally went to the Russian Baths (or the "Shvitz" as the Jews like to say) this weekend. J had been telling me for months now what a glow you get from spending a couple hours there, but I had refused to go until the weather was a bit lower than 90 degrees. It wasn't the cleanest of places, but I have to say, it was an amazing experience. You go in, you get a locker and a safe, and a number that you charge any food or extra service (like a massage) to. They even give you a robe and a pair of shorts, and slippers. If I had been more prepared, I would have brought my own spa accoutrements, but when in a bind, they have mud masks, lotions, conditioners, even razors for sale. J and I alternated between the hot hot hot room and the out of your mind hot room, then would go for a 10 second dip in the so cold it hurts pool. Yes, I know, this doesn't sound like fun, but it REALLY is. When you get out of the pool your body tingles like you've never felt before and you feel so alive. Yes, I was sweating for an hour after we left the Shvitz but my skin has never looked so healthy. I didn't need bronzer for two days! Look Ma, no makeup!
We went to a wedding in the city on Saturday night, and for one reason or another, J was late getting ready. We ended up being the absolute last people to get to the service. And when I say last, I mean the bride was ready to walk down the aisle, and we were skidding to our seats. So embarassing. But J's whole office was there, and between those fun girls and J's party time sister, we were practically the party entertainment. We danced all night and took frequent trips to the vodka/caviar bar. A really fun time.
Oh, and I'm back to taking art classes. This time I am sketching at the Spring Street Studios. I feel like such an amateur but the learning curve happens so fast. By the end of one class, from sheer practice alone, I was able to improve my drawing in a very identifiable way. So rewarding but also frustrating because I do not have more than that one session to devote to it. If I have any other free creative time, it has to be devoted to writing. But still, it is a start. At least I am using that side of my brain, and after all it is all related, right?
Today is Rosh Hashanah, and we went to temple this morning bright and early. Summer is over. I can feel the winter weight approaching--oh that holiday eating! As I always say after a big eating day, "I'm never eating again."
Posted by lexzog at Wed, October 5 | Comments (0)