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Tue, November 30
The Day Flies By...
My first moment of solitude all day...Its 12:23 am, and I know I have yet to work on some writing for the show on Monday, but I need to do the blog thing. Its compulsive behavior, I know.
It was so weird to work on writing a piece about my college boyfriend, and get into that "mood" (popping in the Tori Amos cd's, the Ani D. cd's, anything depressing), while my great boyfriend was in the next room. After seeing The Incredibles last night (awesome), the only time I had to work on my piece was around 11pm! I was completely zoned out to my current world, and totally reliving past feelings and events. Which is an odd place to be.
And whenever I go home, I always find myself leafing through my old journals. Its almost scary to read words that I know I wrote, that sound like me, but just seem so foreign. Like, when I started dieting after my freshman year, and slowly fell into an eating disorder, my journals read like I'm having the time of my life! It is not until one entry in particular, that I actually realized I had a problem. I was almost euphoric in my starved state, but nothing in the journal reflected any deep thought, any real emotion...It sounded more like "reporting", more like "this is what I did today." I know this blog sometimes sounds like that, but that is because I am sometimes afraid to really get it all down here, for everyone (all three people who read this :) ) to see.
Speaking of the past..I was walking up the subway stairs on 2nd avenue, and who was at the top of them looking not even surprised to see me after all these months, but Phil. The guy I was absolutely nutty about last year, last January to be exact. So odd, because that was a year ago, but seems even longer ago. And of course, by Murphy's Law (For Makeup), I HAD to run into him after having just gotten back from the gym, wearing absolutely no makeup and my hair a mess. It took him nearly 10 minutes of chit chat to ask me about ME and my life...I can't say it wasn't awkward. I mean, the way we left things, we'd dated for a while, he'd decided to go back to his long-distance 17 year old girlfriend, and then a month later called me crying and wanting to see me. We got together for dinner, spent hours together and of course, I never heard from him again. And then there he was, same as the last time I'd seen him with his crazy hair and thrift shop sweaters (you always expect people who've burned you to have gone through some major transformation during the time that you don't see them anymore).
I met Stephen for dinner tonight- we went to John's on 2nd Ave and 12th street. At some point, during a racier part of our conversation, a table of people across the room were obviously listening in. So we started talking about circus folk and how much we enjoy having sex with clowns, etc. and I think we scared them off from eavesdropping.
Ok, time to get down to business. I feel like this is homework...
Posted by lexzog at November 30, 2004 12:23 AM
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