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Sun, October 31
Productive, Kinda
I was feeling way too antsy in the 'burbs. I started snapping at my parents, and at one point, may have been mean to an innocent 6 year old trick or treater. Well, he indignantly had said, "I don't like ANY of this candy", when I offered the bowlful of peppermint paddies and dove chocolates. So, was it so bad that I said "Good, that leaves more for the kids in BETTER costumes." Did I really say that? I hope not.
So my mother could sense the BITCH side of me raging, and even playing piano didn't help me feel better...She offered to drive me back to NYC ASAP.
I threw my stuff into my apartment (the winter wardrobe I keep in NJ), grabbed the lap top and hauled ass to meet Em at that cafe on 1st and 10th that I never can remember the name of. They played "The Wall", and I was very happy. Later in the evening, the trick or treaters on the streets increased exponentially, and there was even some sort of weird seance going on on 10th between 1st and 2nd. I didn't get it...
Emily left, and Badman called to meet up to discuss his Apocalypse piece. I downed a glass of wine while he was on his way (Sangiovese). When he arrived to pick me up, he was drunk on Tequila. Surprisingly, we didn't eat like pigs at Sandobe (usually drinking makes me lose all sense of my appetite, and I was drinking on a very empty stomach, a bit more than buzzed).
We worked on our respective pieces, and paid the bill.
He insisted on borrowing my "I Only Sleep With Democrats" pin, which I guess was fair ("You have a boyfriend! I need that pin more than you!", was his argument). As long as I get it back.
J got to chill with Michael Moore today. And Roseanne Barr. Ha!
Jay (not J) invited me to follow his band of friends dressed as Jolly Ranchers out tonight, but...Instead I am sitting on the couch with Er and Zachy while "All the President's Men" is on...I need to watch it again, as obviously, I haven't been really paying attention.
A demain, ou plus tard,
moi
Posted by lexzog at Sun, October 31 | Comments (0)
All Hallow's Eve (and I'm in New Jersey)
I think I should be out partying somewhere...But I decided to visit the 'rents instead. And I knew if I stayed in the city I'd probably go out with Em and Michele and Em has a rad cheerleader costume, Michele has a hot gypsy costume, and I have NO COSTUME. So I felt kind of like my sister and her "party dress" incident (see two postings back or so), and didn't want to go out unless I could be a naughty nurse like Erica or a sexy Elvira.
Honestly though, I really needed a break, after this past stressful work week. I have a new cubicle! Woohoo! I spent all of Friday deciding which post-its were still important to keep. I decided to make my new cube look less like an overweight secretary's office (you know, the ones who keep candy by their desks for "other people to eat", and pictures of puppies and everyone else's kids on their walls), and put only one picture up on my desk.
But my house is too quiet, as my parents conked out before the second set Eminem did on SNL, and my sister is snoring in her room. I am wiiide awake...I even updated my friendster profile (search for FrenchKitty). And looked up pictures on google of celebrities.
I'm getting a little nervous about my APOCALYPSE LOUNGE event (plug: November 8th, at 8, on 3rd street between B and C. "Inner Monologues.") I still am missing two pieces from my writers. I haven't edited mine...But I have a good feeling about it all in all, and we're only inviting friends, really. So, it should be pretty laid back. But...gah. You know, being "in charge" can be a bit nerve-wracking. "Who knew being president could be SO HARD?!"
Today, mom and I went to Bloomies to pick up something at the Bobbi Brown counter. I was cornered. Just as we were paying for our new makeup brushes, my mom asked the sales-woman, "don't you think she should do something a little more with her eyes?" (Earlier, in the car, she told me she liked what I had done with my eyes, which was to wear a tiny tiny bit of liner in the outside corner. But this comment was just her segue into, "I think you could use a little more makeup. But (sigh), at least you're wearing SOMETHING.") The sales-woman said that because I had such beautiful eyes, a "smokey look would look HOT", but really, she said, I could do anything with them. "Go do that to her," my mom said. I wasn't opposed: I knew I'd be seeing my aunt and my cousin later, and they are always a bit disappointed when I don't show up wearing lip liner (which is always).
But then my mom pulled such a "my mom" thing. She must have asked the woman about 8 times, "Isn't she adorable?", "isn't she cute?" Well, what else was the poor woman supposed to say? I hate when my mom does that. I am not four. I am twenty four. You don't ask a thirty-eight year old if she thinks a 24 year-old is "cute" or "adorable".
Later, mom told me I was too long-winded in my conversation with the sales-woman. "At a certain point," mom said to me, "I just lost interest." Well, I wouldn't have gotten the damn makeover in the first place if you hadn't suggested it!?!
We disagreed on this one.
In rewriting my friendster profile, I reread the "who I want to meet" section:
"I want to meet a really down-and out, psychopathic, unemployed
derilect. Mother issues are a plus. And a fair amount of debt would be great too. Like a Mr. Bojangles without the dancing, and the soft shoes."
Would Mr. Bojangles vote Kerry? Hm...
Posted by lexzog at Sun, October 31 | Comments (0)
Fri, October 29
"Build a Better Bush"
check it:
http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/buildabetterbush.htm
hee hee.
Posted by lexzog at Fri, October 29 | Comments (0)
Tue, October 26
Subway and Sister
Haven't written about a fun subway experience in a while, but here you go: I got on the B train on 52nd street and Broadway, and waited ten minutes. A voice over the loudspeaker finally said, "mwah lah vegerwereaa THE B TRAIN asskfjd telooo haffghk WILL NOT BE LEAVING THE shrmem. So I figured I should hop over and take the E train to 34th. I seem to do this every few weeks: I convince myself that one can transfer to the F,V at 34th street, get off the train, scratch my head that I can't find the sign that points to the F,V, then say "Oh Fudge" when I realize that I have just been caught by a case of subway amnesia...Anyway, I had to wait for another E, and took it to West 4th only to find a mob of people waiting on the platform, their necks craned to watch the train that would never come. Finally, the loudspeaker told us, "Frewlkj THE F TRAIN treelah tralah fmoo WILL NOT BE ARRIVING HERE. GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE THE V, which will run as a V on the A platform." (I translated the last part so you wouldn't have to cover your ears like I did to the booming nonsense of the loudspeaker. Wasn't that nice of me?) Everyone waited on the "V" train, which didn't leave for another five minutes. Then we found ourselves on Spring Street. At this point, I could easily have been convinced that I am just delusional and had convinced myself that the voices in my head told me to take a V train on an A platform, but that it truly WAS an A. Thankfully, I am not going crazy: Everyone looked confused. We stopped, and when a brave spokesperson asked the conductor what line this train was running on, the conductor responded that she was mistakenly told to run on the A. So it WAS an A train! We'd have to go back to West 4th and then do some somersaults, feed a rabid monkey and run naked for two minutes, in order to get back to an F or V train. No thanks. The girl next to me asked where I was going, and we decided to split a cab. Well it was every man for himself at this point, and when I say every MAN I mean it, because men actually forged ahead to nab the cabs that we had attempted to hail. I finally made it, 45 minutes late to Linz's birthday dinner at SEA at 2nd and 5th.
I'm sitting at DRINK ME on 6th between B and C and I am supposed to be writing my "book", but my brother just told me a funny Ashley story (my sister). Which brings us to part two of this posting: The Sister part.
As I mentioned in my last post, Ashley had her tenth birthday party on Saturday. My mom took everyone to TGIF at the Palisades Center and then gave the girls some money to spend at Claire's Boutique.
As the story goes, Emily showed up at the party in a very cute dress. A cuter dress than Ashley's. Ashely proceeded to throw a fit, and announced at the top of her little lungs, "Emily looks like the BIRTHDAY GIRL and I just look like the GUEST!" So my mom, took Emily aside and said, "Emily. You're Ashley's friend, RIGHT?" and poor little Em just nodded her adorable little head and said, "Uh huh." My mom continued, "Then you wouldn't mind really, not wearing that dress right, and changing into something else?" Poor little Emily actually had to change out of her pretty party dress to please that tyrant who I used to affectionately call my sister, but now I know is just Atilla the Hun incarnate.
Linz told me that when her mom babysat my sister the other day, all she could hear for half an hour in the hall, was the pattering of little feet. Pitter pitter pitter. Patter patter patter. Over and over and over. Finally, my sister burst into the kitchen, breathless and asked, "Arlene, how many steps is a mile?"
What, 48 pounds is just not trim enough, Ash?
So maybe she isn't Atilla, but more of a mini-me.
Posted by lexzog at Tue, October 26 | Comments (2)
Sun, October 24
"Ok Lex, here's your deathcab..."
Deathcab For Cutie concert at Roseland was craaaazy good. J and I were the only people there who weren't 16 or the parent of a 16 year old, but who cared? Their music live was just as clear and beautiful as on their records.
J and I sat in the Mezzanine and met a really cool dad who was chaperoning his daughter and her friend. We kicked back many vodka tonics, and talked about music back in the day (he used to produce videos), and bonded over our similar highschool backgrounds (he went to Horace Mann and grew up in Westchester). I love making new friends. And drinking with new friends.
My favorite songs came on in the end, one of them you all know by now from my quoting it--"She is beautiful, but she doesn't mean a thing to me." I could have cried (maybe it was the alcohol, or it was nice to hear that sad song with J's arms around me). But instead I just smiled myself silly.
We stumbled to the W hotel to meet up with Maris, Mary, Aly, and Marisa's dad who was in town for a law conference. I was staaaarving, and had had way too much to drink. The fried calamari was not enough to cushion the Key Lime martini I ordered while there. J left, too drunk to maintain conversation either, and eventually, I fell asleep on Maris's shoulder.
The girls practically carried me downstairs to the cabs outside.
"Ok Lex, here's your deathcab", Maris said, laughing, as I slithered in.
Ah, good times.
Saturday morning, J and I went to Barney's Greengrass on the Upper West. Apparently, I must have a twin who goes to restaurants for me, so that when I get there, the host or maitre d', says, "Oh yes, you're here all the time aren't you?" when in fact I'd been there maybe once, five years ago.
Later that afternoon I met with the writers/performers who will be doing the November 8th show at Apocalypse with me. E-card to come. I finally decided on a good name:
"Inner Monologues"
Good?
I'm so excited. We have some great material, and even if it hadn't been workshopped or in the processed of being revised, I think it would stand on its own quite well. It is nice mix of people, with different stories/thoughts to share. We'll see how it goes.
Yay.
Today, I went to Dim Sum at Triple 8 Palace. Everything I ordered had pork in it. I'm such a bad Jew. I eat pork every Sunday, in some shape or form (bacon, sausage, etc.)...I felt bad for the Chinese family we shared a table with (it is a very informal place, they seat different parties all at one table) because all the good carts went past our table, surely because stupid Americans were sitting there.
I wrote for a couple of hours at DTUT which I hadn't realized was such a hot spot for study groups and writers/students. I finally found a seat, AND my voice, for my (haha!) "book". I reread old journals from my first year out of college living on the Upper West, and it is just so funny that this same person writing here, right now, also wrote that stuff and lived that life...It was so different.
I can finally say I have a decent first chapter.
Unfortunately, I can't get out of writing about my college boyfriend. He was so very much in my head until maybe, September of last year...He kind of lurked in the background of everything. I could practically write a book about him, but he would definitely kill me.
Today my parent's threw a birthday party for my sister...Ashley is now 10 years old. That is so scary. Ten years old! I feel like an old fart saying this, but I remember the day she was born (I was 14), I walked around school holding a balloon that said "it's a girl" and all these baby gifts my friends had bought me. You would have thought it was a case of teen pregnancy, save for the fact that I was like, 90 pounds at the time.
I'm thinking of going home next weekend (I know, Halloween). But the next time I'll see the fam will be the day of my grandmothere's unveiling, and that will not be the most ideal way to spend time with them, so...We'll see.
Posted by lexzog at Sun, October 24 | Comments (0)
Thu, October 21
(Don't) Take Me Out to the Ballgame
My first real game. Technically, I have been to two other baseball games in my life: One during my teen tour (!) out West in 10th grade (have no idea who played), and another during the summer of 2001 (I read a book the whole game through).
But now we know not to bring me to any important baseball game, because THE ONE GAME I ever attend, with full gusto and excitement--for some reason, this baseball season actually interested me--is the game where the Yankees had the worst luck ever. Lex Luck.
Is it bad that I secretly rooted for the Sox because they were the underdog? That was, until, the Yankees performed so badly I started to hate the Red Sox and really want the Yanks to win...Is it bad to root for a particular team out of guilt? Must be Jewish guilt...
J and I of course found the one good place for food: A panini restaurant that has guac and chips. We were the envy of all who sat around us--and shared our chips with the drunk men from Teterboro next to us in the stands.
I even drank beer! I never drink beer. It was a night of firsts.
And tomorrow, thank goodness, I am NOT having that damn surgery on my back. The second opinion was that it was not necessary. So, we'll see.
As for work--some major departmental changes have me nervous. I'm thinking about the nature of my position and where this will get me in the end...My job makes me extremely happy but also extremely stressed. Many of the parts of it that I love are all the things that I have gotten to do that are "above and beyond" my job parameters--the stuff I've "gone for" by asking people in the department if they could use my help, and my boss's titles. But now I'm going to be doing all the crap work that I've always done, plus the "me" work, the "boss" work, plus I'm reporting to someone NEW . She's definitely a great woman to work for but, I need to know, where is this going? Where will I be in a year? Is it worth it to work in an enviably cool business--children's books--learn a great deal from savvy people, only to find that in 7 years, I will still need to get a second job on the side in order to support myself?
I am nuts--I bought a crazy cool leather jacket, deconstructed and than reconstructed and finally, decorated, from an amazing store on Avenue B...But it cost me half a paycheck (for the coat plus shoes that looked too hot to pass up). I can honestly say the purchase made me happy. I felt new. But...I can't afford to do things like that! Yet, that is the way I am...And it would be all well and good to get a second job now, but then how could I stay late at work whenever I need to (every day), and still make it to another job?
Decisions, decisions.
Fall is for changing.
I had a great dinner with my old art class buddy Steven on Tuesday night...We drank sangria and somehow nearly three hours went by.
J came over later, but he was so drunk from watching the game with his boys that he passed out not soon after he arrived.
Yesterday I got a call from Timothy, my band/bartender friend--there's a show tomorrow night at Bowery. He wanted to know why in the two days J and I were broken up, I didn't call him to take advantage of being single. My sincerest apologies- how could I have been so RUDE? Tsk tsk. (haha)
This is a message to Jared- I can't find where on this site I spelled your name wrong. Please do point it out and I will correct (Jared told J that I got it wrong, so I'm am trying to do right by him).
Tomorrow night I hope to meet up with Maris and Mary, and hopefully Aly for dinner.
Oh, and Koba--to answer your quesiton, formally, the girl with the flag in front of her boobs (in the Homecoming pic) is Aly. I should do captions. I know, I know. Shame on me for censoring. Fun meeting for lunch the other day. Next time I am stealing your hat.
Ta,
-moi
Posted by lexzog at Thu, October 21 | Comments (3)
Mon, October 18
After the Weekend
Ah, the Monday night posting. All day I can't wait for this moment--to sit by my window at the edge of my bed with my latest music passion (right now it is "Sia") in my ipod...Of course, much has to occur before this savory moment: First, the rigorous Monday spin class (where the instructor either gives me creepy looks like he enjoys watching me pant and sweat through my sportsbra--wait, of course he does; or, he urges me to turn the resistance of the bike up even if it requires holding to the handlebars for dear life). Then, there's the hour long trip from the Crown Plaza gym on 49th St. to my East Village lair...at the tail-end of which I have to stop for food. First, I peek into "Gracefully" food market on A, knowing that it will be the same crap they have every day in the prepared food section: Overcooked organic chicken, and slightly good looking cold salads that ALL have onions, which if you know me, you know are not my thing. Inevitably, I end up at "Mama's" and try not to be the annoying girl who asks for "just a little more of the butternut squash" (they always give you more of the side dish you like less). Ok, so I get home: Big surprise: BOTH roomates are on the couch plus one boyfriend of one roomate. At first I'm disappointed that I can't unwind by myself, but in the end its like a little party, because, well, we all know Zach is fun.
Tonight Erica read out loud from "The Best of Craigslist". There's this hysterical posting, that J found this weekend...Erica read it out loud to Zach and I and I nearly chocked on my butternut squash.
(Reader Beware: Gross, but highly amusing Story)
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/atl/42452492.html
Erica has the perfect deadpan delivery for this stuff.
Oh, and no Monday night evening is complete without taking my Swiffer wet mop for a spin around the apartment. I AM my mother: I am not happy unless their is a vacuum/mop/paper towel and bottle of 409 in my hands, at least five times a week.
I absolutely hate dust bunnies.
So, the weekend...Friday night, J took me to the new Time Warner center spot, "Cafe Grey". Wow. The food, the service--everything was perfect. You can see right into the kitchen, just like at "Zoe's" in Soho. J pointed out that in the dessert area of the kitchen, the pastry chef was busy preparing desserts she was anticipating people would desire with their particular meals. The sommelier recommended a white wine and a chardonnay by the glass, instead of a bottle, because our order was so varied (meat, fish, always difficult to find one bottle to suit two very different tastes). We ordered three desserts, in true J fashion, but ended up with four because of a miscommunication with the waiter.
We eat like fat people.
While we were digging in, a man at a table nearby turned around and smiled at us. We thought he was admiring our dessert buffet. J offered, "You should definitely get the mousse. Excellent." The man said thank you and something like "You two look so good together," revealing that the dessert was not what he was staring at. His wife/date didn't look too happy about that. But it made me very happy.
The rest of the weekend was spent in and out of reading and writing: I am writing a book (gasp). Grrrr. I hate the way that sounds, and it follows me all day, but I am compelled. I don't want to write much about it. We'll just see. I'm reading "Bel Canto", which is so beautifully written, almost like a Modern Novel...and it completely clashes with the Chick-lit book I'm trying to write.
Speaking of clashing...I picked up such a moving book at "Housing Works Used Books Store" yesterday:
"Barefood Gen: The Day After (A Cartoon Story of Hiroshima)". I picked it up because the cover looked like a young adult novel, then I realized it was Manga (Japanese comic style), and then I realized I was captivated and had been standing against a bookshelf for forty minutes reading this gruesome, heartbreaking account. Something about the juxtaposition of a horrific story, told in cartoon form with Disney-like characters, makes it even more disturbing and somehow, more real. I bought it, even though it would only take a little over an hour more to finish. But I know I'll want to share it with people...
I bought J a copy of "The Bridges of Madison County" for a dollar. I think it will most likely stay for a while resting on top of his Lolita, Moveable Feast, and Motorcycle Diaries...all started but unfinished, next to his bed.
Saw that movie yesterday. Gael Garcia Bernal..Dreamy. So dreamy that I fell asleep towards the end, but I think that's because we woke up too early both days this weekend. Still, a great movie. I'm eager to read the book.
Time to write the stuff you don't see...In my journal.
And..I thought of a better name for the November 8the event:
THE SECRET LIVES OF STRANGERS.
(This is instead of "Journal Jam". That name sounds like a seventh grade slumber party.)
Posted by lexzog at Mon, October 18 | Comments (0)
Fri, October 15
Homecoming Pics. (Backtracking to Oct. 1st Weekend)
Me and the gals. Go CU!
Richie Rich!
Posted by lexzog at Fri, October 15 | Comments (0)
Blog Before Bed
First an update on my ailments: I waited an hour in the empty waiting room of my doctor's office, only to wait fifteen minutes more in a room with the doctor's assistant flitting in and out, asking, "Wait. So what are you here for again?" And then when the Dr. finally did arrive, he said, "Oh no. You must not have heard what my colleague told you when you last visited. We don't do surgery on the same day as consultation." That's nice. I spent all this time freaking out because I thought TODAY WAS THE DAY my little toe would get operated on for its tiny freckle, only to learn that that would not be the case and instead, the freckle that had been scraped from my back would need an invasive surgery. I'm going to have a brand new scar, right on my back. Tattoo ideas anyone?
I took an awesome spin class today--I know it was great, because as I write this my legs are tingling. The instructor today, a gorgeous, petite black woman who I privately refer to as "The Sarge", has a very unique reaction to being on a bike: During the "hill" sessions of our workout, she makes us go really really slowly so we can feel it in our legs. At a certain point, she starts to make noises. The kind of noises that might make others uncomfortable (if they didn't find them funny like I do). Porno noises.
At my last class with her, the young Asian woman next to me even asked "The Sarge" repeatedly, "Are you OK? Are you OK?"
I rushed home and quickly showered to meet Badman at "WD-50" on Clinton. The food was delicious--so many different textures and flavors coming together, in a medly of color on the plate. One problem: The portions. Even an anorexic would feel like she were missing something. If you do ever go, order a glass of sake instead of wine. And, the fish is delicious. One more thing: Don't order the caramel apple thing for dessert. Highly dsiappointing.
So sleepy. Must stop asdfsklsj;l; fjadk;jflkjak;ds.....................zzzz.........................
Posted by lexzog at Fri, October 15 | Comments (0)
Tue, October 12
Funny Things
I must be a very disarming and approachable person. Today during a large meeting in our conference room with a prospective new author, the subject of my love life came up. No, this was not an informal chat kind of meeting, but rather, one that involved both of my bosses, the art director, and a number of senior editors. Out of the blue, the author looked across the table at me and asked, "Alexis, are you single?" I stuttered, not quite knowing how to respond...What does one say when in the middle of a meeting among all your superiors, someone asks you to explain something that is kind of confusing even to you, at this point in time?
Apparently, I didn't need to open my mouth because my boss gruffly said, "Yeah, she's single alright." Because, last she'd heard (when she called me from the Frankfurt Book Fair), my boyfriend had broken up with me.
"Wait! Alexis, you told me that you were in LOVE!" exclaimed my other boss (that was in August).
"Well, uh...Yeah. Last week my boyfriend broke up with me, but now we're..."
Then the art director chimed in, "Hold on. He broke up with you A SECOND TIME? That's it, get rid of him."
"No," I interjected. "That was the last guy," (the Email Breakup Guy) "but this is the one you gave me the good advice about." (At the off-site meeting we'd had at my boss's house back in June, I'd talked to her about J while she'd had a good amount of liquor in her, and she told me that this guy was the real deal and that I should give him more of a chance.)
"I gave you advice? When? Gee. (she chuckled) That scares me."
Then the author started talking about her 24 year old son and how much he liked my name, but by then I'd mentally hidden under the large conference room table...
Another example of my approachability: Today at the gym, a big trainer named "Lee" came up to me and said, "I don't know you, do I." Which was more of a statement than a question. He went to shake my hand, but instead of shaking it like a normal person, he did that "clasp your fingers, push your knuckles against the other person's, then punch knuckles, slap hands, and snap fingers" type of handshake. The kind that guys do when they greet each other. But it didn't stop there! There was even a special "pow" move, where one brings their arm across their chest and punches out with their elbow. I was super slick and pretty much had it down by my second try. Of course, for the rest of my time at the gym, he'd pop out out of nowhere and pull that last "pow" move, from across the room at me, and wink.
So..That was today.
The weekend: On Friday, I watched the debate with Linz and Lex at their apartment, and ordered in. I had come to their apartment dressed in a short skirt and heels (Linz asked, "did you forget your skirt at home?" haha). LIttle by little they tried to convince me to stay in and be a couch potato with them: They offered me sweatpants. A comfy t-shirt. A large bowl of ice cream with caramel and fudge. But there was no stopping me...I went straight from the debates, to Barazza on Avenue C, where Em and I drank quite a few mojitos. I got hit on by a really nice guy, but right off the bat I told him I had a boyfriend. We ended up having a friendly chat, while Em was trying to ward off some sad dude who was trying to hit on her. On our way out, coincidentally, one of the Frenchmen from Em's and my previous "just the two of us" night out back in July, was waiting to get into the club. It was odd, because it was that night in July too, that J met up with me for what he looks back on as our first "bootycall". And here this French dude was again, reminding me of when J and I first started out, showing up at a time when we're kind of starting again.
Catskills with J was really a lot of fun, despite my having a fever and chills throughout most of it. We stayed at his aunt's house on the sleepaway camp she runs in the summers. Perfect scene for a scary movie: two young lovers at a house on the lake on the cusp of fall..the doors don't lock. No one except the caretaker knows they are there..Obviously, we didn't get hacked to pieces (phew). On Sunday we went on the lake in a canoe, and almost got stuck in a storm. It was cold as F--K, but we didn't care. Maybe the pot had something to do with it..Either way, we survived. We ate at the one restaurant that existed in town (Chinese), and went bowling at the BEST BOWLING ALLEY EVER. I'd never bowled so well in my life. The lanes were new and smooth, and there was no cigarette smoke. We decided that if we were to move to Bumblefu-k, we'd become bowling champs and set world records.
We came home and J tried to make a fire with wet logs, while I tried to make brownies without oil (and used applesauce instead). Neither efforts were a success.
The next day, after a breakfast of flapjacks, sausage, bacon, and hashbrowns (they had two different types of ketchup, one by Heinz, and the other, for Republicans!), we went for a drive..I couldn't believe it when I saw the sign for Camp Lohikan. My sleepaway camp! Even funnier, because an old friend from sleepaway just commented on this blog last week! The world is full of coincidences. We drove forever, but finally got there. I walked around, and it was totally bizarre to be in this place that is kind of like a dream world--so separate from my home town, my old school, my past. Camp is just this special escapist place, where you can be the person you wish you could be year round, if you never were a nerd in middle-school, or if you were given a second chance at first impressions. But here I was, and it was empty and set against a fall background, and I was there with J. One of the men who used to work there when I went to camp was in the office, so I stopped by to say hi. He said that when he saw me walk towards the office, he said to one of the guys there, "that girl looks familiar." I don't think we'd ever interacted while I was a camper, but it is funny that he remembers my face...Well, not that funny, since I probably walked past the office a billion times a day on the way to the lake. I guess camp-running people are like that.
Time to write some more focused personal narrative for the big show on November 8th..
Posted by lexzog at Tue, October 12 | Comments (0)
Fri, October 8
Better and Blonder
Got a great haircut, great color (think Sarah Jessica) and great advice from Mario, my favorite hairdresser. Ask me for the address of the place, if you want a great cut and color too.
Erica and I met with an agent last night-more so to just meet her, since she lives in our building, than to shop around my book idea. I feel so cheezy saying that: "book idea." But I really want to write, and the bug is just biting my ankle, so it must be done. And we'll see if something comes of it. The agent is very cool..We met at DTUT and basically talked about how awful dating is in NYC, and how awful Jewish moms can be: "Well, Marissa's mom said Marissa met the nicest boy on J-Date, honey. You should really give it a chance." Those were the old days though. My mom knows that at this point, I HAVE given everything a chance. When J and I broke up (can you call it that, if it is only officially for two days?) my brother said, "Gee Lex. I don't know what you're going to do now. You already dated all of New York City." I think I would have to move to another state.
And that would be no fun.
The only thing that's worked for me so far is serendipity.
Speaking of SERENDIPITY (and I know you're probably thinking now of Iced Hot Chocolate at the midtown east restaurant of the same name)..J and I went out to dinner at Oliva on Houston on Wed. night...On our way there, we passed Mercury lounge. Scrawled on the chalkboard, was the list of bands playing that night. I couldn't believe it--it practically was a sign, no, it LITERALLY was a sign: "L.P." was playing!!! (Reminder, this is a band I got into at the end of May, and wrote about it on the blog..J actually bought me the CD when we first started dating, and it makes me remember those first few weeks of our relationship). We filled up on Sangria and tapas and lots of loud live music at Oliva, then hopped into Mercury for the show. We'd only missed like, two sets! We may have been one of the few heterosexual couples there (yes, it was a fun show for J, seeing the hot lesbians in front of us make out). I love this girl (no, not in that way). Her voice is dynamite. It was better to hear it in a smaller space, because it made her just that more powerful. Great show. I think I was one of the only people that knew all the words, which might make me a dork.
Oh, and the coffee guy at DTUT recommended I buy All-Time Quarterback , to fulfill my Deathcab/Postal Service hunger.
Tonight is spin class, then ordering in/watching the debates with Lex and Linz. Then it is night-on-the-town with Em and Michele. ("Let's get stupid, let's get crazy!") Probably meeting J at Delft later..
Posted by lexzog at Fri, October 8 | Comments (1)
Wed, October 6
You Must Be Wondering...
I know I haven't entered "Breakup Diary: Day Three". The reason is, J called on Monday night (while I was watching Freaky Friday instead of going to the party on the LES). We talked, and I kind of liked what he had to say. I don't want to say more, because I am still feeling things out...
I went to Apocalypse Lounge last night, on Jay's insistence finally, and saw the "Wow"'s. Jay introduced me to the owner who is this really cool, laid back guy--And I decided that this place is where I would like to do my "Night of Personal Narrative" (come one, come all!) Mid-November, I am thinkin'. Really chill atmosphere.
J's roomate was surprised to see me at his house last night, I am sure. I wasn't sure if J had told his roomates about what happened, so I said, "I'm so sorry I didn't say goodbye to you Sunday morning, I was in a bad mood." Which is so lame, because it turns out J had told him the scoop. But I think in that case, a white lie is OK. Hopefully, we'll laugh about it later.
Oh, and some chick on Friendster, said in her profile, "I am the boss of my underpants." There is no way in hell she came up with that on her own--this was the title of a manuscript sent to me a while back, and I thought it was so funny, I put it in my Nerve.com profile (since removed). Plagiarism or coincidence?
Plans with J after dance class...
In the mean-time, the in-between time:
A new stalking website, that Gill gave to me:
www.fundrace.org/neighbors.php
And for all you Full-House fans:
http://www.wwujd.com/
Posted by lexzog at Wed, October 6 | Comments (0)
Mon, October 4
And Another thing:
Grrrrrrrr.
For the record, I beat J up pretty bad the night we broke up. I punched him, and he said I could do better than that...So I did way better, and he had to tell me to stop :)
I was being extreme in my last posting...I waver. Whatever.
Matt from Maine wrote me a sweet email...Love the exes/past something or others, who read the blog.
Looooong day. Tired from last night: I saw a late showing of "I Heart Huckabees" with Erica, Zach, and his friends from out of town (one of their names was actually "Bobo", no joke). I fell asleep in the middle of it because I was so spent from this weekend...And earlier that day, I walked around Washington Square Park, sat in the sun with a magazine, and met my friend Karina. (I was supposed to help out with the New York is Book Country stand that RH was running, but called the woman in charge and just said I couldn't handle it. She understood).
Karina and I walked around, she bought me cheesecake, and we had tea at a cute shop in Soho :) I scored at Bloomies (bought a very sexy tank for my new single nights out haha) for only twelve bucks. I have it in another color, but it looks great with off the shoulder stuff (this is for Buttercup as she is my shopping friend fiend).
Jay (another one, not J) and his friend Kyle serenaded me with their guitars and singing, right by my house, which was cute. They also gave me a large cup of beer.
Tonight is some party with fashion/media people in the LES. So, we'll see. Distractions distractions....
Plus side to breakups: Losing weight. When does the appetite kick in again?
Posted by lexzog at Mon, October 4 | Comments (3)
Breakup Diary: Day 2 Update
I just picked up my orthodics from my podiatrist/relationship counselor. I know it sounds strange, but he is the only person, of all my friends and loved ones, who has opened my eyes. (Ok, I'll admit, he's actually also a family friend, so he knows me beyond my pretty feet).
There are two reasons men break up with women: One is, another woman. And the other is...another woman.
I am convinced the ex is somewhere in this picture with J. I don't think he's seen her, he may not even have talked to her.
But that is how you can break up with someone you love...When someone else you loved is still in your head.
Blah blah to all the "my life is not settled right now", and whatever to the "I need time apart to see if I'll miss you."
It is the ex. No question. Here's the rub: You're never over someone you were once in love with. You'll think fondly of that person, if you broke up with them. But if they break up with you, they always have a power over you. She hurt him deeply...So deeply he ran to Mexico for a few weeks. I think the ex has gotten into his head in some way, since that phone call she made in August, and it has been brewing.
I do wish this were strictly about me, and his figuring out how he feels about me...Nope. (But if I am wrong about my ex theory, then perhaps he is, as he claims he is, "crazy").
I have a sinking feeling in my throat, but...I'm actually on the whole, feeling good. An old camp friend commented on my last posting (see below) to say she reads my blog, and reminded me of the time when I kissed my biggest camp crush behind the busses on the last day of camp. So funny, how the world works: I was just talking about that yesterday to Erica. I was telling her how I used to have visions as a kid, and then they would come true. That kissing Anthony behind the busses story was one example (I was telling her in the context of how I had visions of J and I too, but perhaps my telepathic/supernatural powers are dwindling. Clearly my radar is off).
It is sunny outside and I have no regrets.
Posted by lexzog at Mon, October 4 | Comments (0)
Breakup Diary: Day Two
I just got off the phone with my boss, who is at the Frankfurt Book Fair, and she told me that I sound "all bright eyed and bushy tailed." Unbelievable that I am able to pull that off...
Lost my entry from late Friday night...Just as well.
J and I broke up.
Yay, the old Lex is back. Or, she'll be coming back. My entries will no longer be sickeningly happy, and who wants to read about that crap anyway?
Readers, this is going to get good. But until then...This sucks.
I hate waking up. That is the worst part. I hate that it is sunny. I hate that everything I see reminds me of things we did together, or plans we had made...God I sound cheezy. I'm writing at work, but my heart just needs to do this, cuz my internet was down last night. I wrote in my journal instead, and you all can't see that stuff because...that's the stuff I don't want him to see. He might not be strong enough to resist reading this, but I have a feeling he will be. I wish he was a complete jerkoff like the others, but this is different and I do believe he is "torn" , and does have "something to think about." So, reader, there is the minor possibility that he might realize this was a mistake, but I have decided to push that possibility away..."Don't think that I'm going to come to my senses in two days", he said. We are broken up. Moving on is the next step.
Funny, we broke up on exactly the day that we started going out, three months ago. Which undermines how deep this was--reducing it to a summer fling, which it so was not.
I can't help thinking about his ex--how the day she called was the start of the "decline." And how this is the same time last year that the two of them broke up...As for the so-called decline...I think all relationships have their ups and downs. And yes, the first few months of relationships are absolutely amazing, but that is the fantasy stage. We can't help but create a fantasy of who we think the other is, and what you are together. It is what you do after the fantasy is over, when REAL PROBLEMS arise..You deal with them. You don' t push them away. But it is a problem when only one person in the relationship knows that and wants to work on things...I am too optimistic.
I am so mad. He took six months trying to win my heart, finally did, said things a guy should never say (now I know, even if they believe it when they say it, they truly are deluding themselves), like he wanted to spend the fall, the winter, next year with me...Move in together and all that...References to our future children, etc.
And now this?
Oh, insane Lex, my head is spinning. Free form writing!
I have lost my appetite, which is something remarkable because the only time EVER that I have been unable to eat, was when I did shrooms in Amsterdam. I know something is deeply wrong.
I'm worried that he made the wrong decision...Pushing me away, when I think he needs me most. That doing this will not make him happy. And that the way people's minds work, that they tend to look back on decisions they've made and say, "That was the right thing to do." Because, how could you go on, thinking you made a big mistake? You rationalize.
In my head, I am replaying the Deathcab song ("Tiny Vessels"), which is my anthem now:
"this is the moment that you know
that you told you loved her but you don't.
you touch her skin and then you think
that she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me."
I question...How could you possibly love someone, and do something like this? How could you say you love someone, and then do this, knowing you will not see them when you wake up tomorrow. Or ever.
My friend Gus just wrote me an email, in response to my current state, and he is so right:
"Anyway, cheer up, make some fun, and remember just how incredible this world is. Don't think too hard about it, cause you're heart would burst, just like you'd go blind if you stared at the sun."
Posted by lexzog at Mon, October 4 | Comments (1)