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Thu, April 29
So I don't hate friendster...
I am so excited! Today I got a message from one of my oldest friends EVER. She found me on friendster! Last time I had heard from her was before the days of email...She was my pen pal until we lost touch at around age eight. And before that, we spent the age of four teasing boys and telling them that we thought they were "handsome" (to which we got a disgusted response, often involving the boys running away. Hey- not much has changed!), and sharing gum. It really was an interesting concept, this gum-sharing thing: You start with a piece of gum, and split it in half, one for each of you. Then you declare to the other person: "Mine still tastes good." If the other person says "Mine doesn't", then that person spits out their piece, and you split the "good-tasting" piece that was in your mouth. You both chew your respective ABC'd gum. Then you or the other person says "Mine still tastes good," and if it wasn't your gum that tasted good, you spit yours out, and split the good piece that the other person declared still tasted good. Absolutely brilliant!
Another old friend contacted me too: Basically we saw each other once in our whole lives: I went with my friend Gillian when we were 14 to visit two of her "camp friends" from the previous summer. Since they were both male, Gill was not allowed to go alone. Actually, not quite sure we told her parents we were visiting Ryan and Brad or if we said it was "Rachel and Lisa". Who knows? We had a blast, because it was our first time in a car being driven by older guys (besides our fathers), and staying out till the morning. All we did was park somewhere where one of the guys smoked up (the driver. sigh.), met some kids at a diner, and then listened to the sound track from an old Tom Cruise movie ("Legend"?). But anyway, this kid friendstered me, after all this time. And I think that is pretty damn nifty.
Posted by lexzog at Thu, April 29 | Comments (2)
Sat, April 24
Boys Gettin' Down
Tonight was my college friend Rachel's birthday...it was at some terrible east side bar that you should never go to (BRANCH on E. 50th)...unless you are 45 and on a "hot" date and you plan on disco dancing to "Erreybody in da club gettin' tipsy" or worse, slow-dancing to "Milkshake" like this one couple we saw there.
There were a few redeeming moments though, that I owe completely to my hilarious guy friends from Pike, my favorite (out of all five existing) Columbia U. fraternities. One such moment: We were all dancing and having fun, until it was time to give those dancing shoes a break (mine were not dancing shoes, in fact, they were really tall kickass heels). Fine. No problem. So, my girlfriends and I were all sitting and taking a breather, when we look to our left and see....Every single one of our guy friends DANCING together in a group. No, they were not rocking out. They were not moshing (circa school dances 1992). They were not even mock-dancing (when a guy who really wants to dance but is too embarassed to admit it, "pretends" he's dancing to make fun of the whole idea of dancing, but in reality, he REALLY REALLY wants to dance).
No. They were really getting down and funky with their bad selves. One guy was doing a hip gyrating thing. Another was practically sqatting on the floor, his bootie in the air. Yet another guy, was doing the head side to side thing (like, "girlfriend!"; no use of shoulders, just neck). It was the most precious thing I've seen in a very long time...The bastards were happy. God bless 'em.
Sean, and his tongue.
I swear, this picture was totally an accident. Joe and I were not thinking any dirty thoughts. Or, at least, he wasn't....
Proof that older women dig Scott. And then later, their friend will say to them, "See? I told you he was kind of sleazy."
Posted by lexzog at Sat, April 24 | Comments (2)
Sat, April 17
Corned beef on Rye
Simply the best sandwich EVER at this little deli in Brooklyn. I just wanted to share that with you. If you like corned beef, amazingly soft rye bread, and saurkraut with russian dressing, you should definitely check this place out.
Also, and this has never happened to me before, we got onion rings that had so much oil, it actually dripped onto the plate. And I mean, in a good way.
Empress Kosher Deli
2210 86th St
Brooklyn NY
(718) 265-8002
Posted by lexzog at Sat, April 17 | Comments (9)
Fri, April 16
More Indecency
As a follow up to the previous, one of Julie's friends found this on the CraigsList personals today:
GENEROUS MAN SEEKS DISCREET AFFAIR,ROMANCE WITH NO MESS - m4w - 40
_____
Reply to: anon-28947091@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-04-16, 3:46PM EDT
Any takers?
Posted by lexzog at Fri, April 16 | Comments (0)
"Indecent Proposal" by Julie
OK, I know I am going email happy, but this is too funny a story to not share with the blog audience...namely, the four people that read this, but whatever. This is an email I got today from my friend Julie:
----------------------------------------------
JULIE'S EMAIL:
"So I'm strolling down fifth avenue on my lunch break, enjoying this sunshiny spring day, when this man starts walking closely beside me. he's middle-aged, wearing a suit, but there is something decidedly weird about the way he's looking at me. so then he says "can I talk to you for a minute?" he looked harmless, so I say "okay," but never broke my stride. He says, "you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life, from your hair to your heels." um, what? So admittedly I'm kind of enjoying this compliment (probably the most enthusiastic one a man has ever given me in my life, sad to say) until he says "can I buy you lunch?" and I say no thanks, and he says, "if I give you my business card, will you call the number or throw it away?" and I said, "I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend," since that's what girls say when they're receiving unwanted attention. And he says "look, I'm not asking to be your boyfriend, I'm just asking to take you to lunch sometimes. And I'll take you shopping. You can have anything you want. I'll treat you very well." so, at this point, I know I should just say something like "get out of my face, creep," but I'm so sort of dumbfounded that I let him keep talking. He asks me how old my (imaginary) boyfriend is, and I say "my age" and he says, "do you find him to be immature?" and I'm thinking "yes" which is funny, since he doesn't actually exist. But I say "look, we're really very happy" and he says " I can give you things he can't. he doesn't have to know. Please, you can have anything you want…you know how you'll be treated, don't you? a woman like you shouldn't waste her time with a younger man. (then looks me up and down, slowly and creepily)…I promise it will be worth it." now my run-like-hell alarm is going off and I say something like "please, I really have to go now," and he says, "don't get upset. Don't be mad at me." (what? Like we're friends and there's a preexisting relationship to be concerned about?) and I just say bye and duck into the nearest store (h&m, incidentally) and wait for a while to make sure he's not following me. (and bought myself a cute shirt while I was waiting).
I feel like I just acted out a scene from a mediocre short story. So weird. Never mind the fact that a boy my own age hasn't hit on me in something approaching, oh, I don't know, a decade… apparently I'm quite a hit with the fetishistic 45 year-olds. And damnit if I didn't think of a million witty, forceful ways to shut him down the second I walked away, like "what would you want your daughter to say in this situation?" or "sorry, I'm not for sale," but at the time I was so deer-in-headlights, I could barely muster a sentence. Damnit. A missed opportunity to put a pervert in his place.
Anyways, just had to share. Who knew such perverts crawled 5th avenue at 1:00 in the afternoon? Ew. Ladies, beware.
Have a nice weekend, all,
j"
Posted by lexzog at Fri, April 16 | Comments (0)
"I would like to drink something with you."
I just have to share two emails with y'all. I think I will start adding these regularly, as I recieve many such emails myself. But these two are precious. One is from a random Italian guy that hit on my friend Rebecca last Friday, at Uncle Mings. He took polaroids of all my friends, and even told me I was a "lovely flower." But, much to my chagrin, he only had eyes for Rebecca. This is what he wrote:
"Hallo Rebecca , How are you?
I'm very happy to know you , you are a very very nice girl.
I would like see you again and drink something with you ,
excuse me please for my english.
I promised you a song and last night I wrote a special song for you
Kiss
Graziano"
And, just for fun, I will also include a special friendser email, sent to my dear roomate Erica, from a hunk in Taiwan:
"my name is howard king and i was born in taiwan
also raise the name of tai-chung of middle of
taiwan.i am 30 years old.Right now i live in the
new york city for 23 or 24 years since i was 8
years old.i like to listen to the music and
watching the movies i used to play the pool and
bowling with my "GUYS FRIENDS".Also i used to
working at the Gap it is clothes store
department of labor,Chase Bank Library.i am
very outgoing honest friendly nice sweet
responsiable man romantic.i am genimi. I was
born of may.i am 173cm.that is 5' 8" inches
tall.i am wear the eyesglass..i am live with my
parents and one sister.I used to have a
girlfriend for long times.i like to swimming but
now i dont. Happy merry Christmas and haappy
new years @};- "
And this is a keen observation from Rebecca, in which she looks for the good in our good friend Howard:
"C'mon now Erica, he doesn't sound all bad, you just have to read between the lines: First of all, he's social (this is evident by mention of "GUY FRIENDS"), romantic, and still lives with his parents at 30 years of age! And dynamic too, he USED to like to swim, but NOW he doesn't (read: capable of adapting to new situations!). I bet all 173cm of him is pure manly stud when he's not working at the GAP (in case you didn't know, that a clothes store). :)"
I CAN'T SEEM TO START WORKING TODAY...
Posted by lexzog at Fri, April 16 | Comments (1)
Wed, April 14
Neckface...Discovered!
I feel like the blind man in that scene from Amelie, when Amelie hurriedly leads him through the streets of Paris. Just after she leaves him at the Metro, an illuminating light shines on him, punctuating this moment of clarity: The kind people at The New Yorker have revealed who the heck Neck Face is.
For those of you who have been staring at your shoe-laces as you walk around this lovely town, Neck Face is a tag that has been showing up on many a visible surface on the street. To me it looks like a sock-man, but with evil fangs and beady eyes (remember sock people? You put a sock on your hand, and draw a face, et voila, yougottapuppet). There's a really big Neck Face drawing on the side of a building by the 2nd Avenue subway stop along East Houston. Refer to that.
Anyway, it always irked me because I just didn't get it. What IS a Neck Face? I have heard the expression "Butter Face" (which refers to a girl who has got everythin' goin' on "but her face"; the opposite is "Butter Body". Figure it out). But this Neck Face thing makes my mind run in circles trying to imagine it, like a stupid dog chasing its tail. What the F?
As the New Yorker revealed in its April 5th issue, Neck Face (or the artist behind it) is but a youngin'- a delicate flower of age nineteen, shrouded in a hoodie, and armed with markers. He has fillings in each one of his teeth. And he attends art school. Plus, he has exhibitions coming up in San Francisco and London! Go grafitti!
"Breakin' the law, Breakin' the law."
Posted by lexzog at Wed, April 14 | Comments (1)
Mon, April 12
Yay! Florida pics!
Awww. The FAMILY.
Posted by lexzog at Mon, April 12 | Comments (0)
Yay! Florida pics!
This is that stunt act I was telling you about before...See? I'm supposed to be going crazy like I'm "on spring break."
Posted by lexzog at Mon, April 12 | Comments (0)
Yay! Florida pics!
Meeeee and dad.
Posted by lexzog at Mon, April 12 | Comments (0)
Yay! Florida pics!
My butt and my sister's head...look at the castle!
Posted by lexzog at Mon, April 12 | Comments (1)
Yay! Florida pics!
Meeeeee.......
Posted by lexzog at Mon, April 12 | Comments (1)
Fri, April 9
Travis
Apparently, there are a few "good guys" left in this world. I met Travis on my flight home from Disney World, to NYC. I knew it was love at first sight, when I spotted his baseball cap, that said "Goofy", "Micky", and "Donald Duck" all around it. He smiled at me, and waved, then asked my mom and I, "So, did you have a great time in Orlando?" in a Forest Gump kinda way...Inevitably, he ended up sitting in front of me on the plane. We locked eyes. Shivers down my spine. Then, he shook my hand, and said, "Hi! I'm Travis!" He then proceeded to tell me that he came to Orlando 13 years ago when he was 23, with his Gramma, and they went "just to shows, no rides. Except we did go on Small World once." He asked me if I went to the Dolly Pardon theme park. Unfortunately, I told him, I was only there for 4 days, and must have missed out on that one. He told me "it was the BEST." I will take his word for it. We also talked about the difference between books and movies, and how books are usually better. "You know what my favorite movie is?" he asked me. "Rain Man." Hm. How surprising. Need I mention, that at the end of the flight, he'd forgotten our entire conversation, and asked me all over again, how I "liked my trip to Orlando?" I did not have the heart to NOT respond all over again...
So, who says finding a nice guy these days is so hard?
Posted by lexzog at Fri, April 9 | Comments (2)
Sun, April 4
Can I have a Volunteer?
While I waited on line for an attraction at MGM studios and talked on the phone to my dear old friend Gillian, my father volunteered me to make a fool out of myself...Or, more specifically, to be one of the four schmucks who would serve as "deck-hands" aboard a "ship" on a set at the "Behind the Scenes" tour of MGM studios. My job was to jump up and down on the deck of the ship like I (and I quote the guy who gave me my stage direction) "was on spring break." So, as a huge torpedo hit the water next to the boat, there was no acting involved on my part: I freaked out and jumped up and down. Don't know if it was much like spring break- instead of a bikini, I wore a waterproof suit and boots, as a large amount of water rained down upon me.
Great fun. I am a good sport.
Picture to come (goodie!)
Posted by lexzog at Sun, April 4 | Comments (0)
Sat, April 3
The Happiest, Fattiest Place on Earth!
Ok, so today I spent the WHOLE day walking around Disney World's Magic Kingdom, and waiting on enormous lines...The lines were so long, that after a while, the people we were waiting on them with started to look almost like, well, family.
It was that bad.
Of course, my mother tried to make small talk to many of these folks...Namely, the ones that didn't speak much english. God bless her, it stopped me from echoing the tune my 9 year old sister was singing, the lovely song titled "I'm bored!" It goes like this:
"I'm boooooooreeeed! I'm booorrrreeed! This is boooorrriiiing!" You may not have heard this song yet, and its not as good as the Milkshake song, but its up there on MY list.
There was one group of girls from GodknowswhereintheSouth: One girl, obscenely obese, wore a shirt that said, "Excercise Your Faith in Jesus." I really wanted to tell her perhaps she should try some CROSSTRAINING, and alternate between exercising her FAITH and exercising one of her extra butt cheeks (yes, I know, I shouldn't dog on the junk in da trunk, but people- this wasn't just junk. It was a bonifide GARBAGE DUMP).
As soon as we got back to the hotel room, I quickly decided between taking a jog around the hotel and napping. I decided to take a nap while I was deciding, and thankfully, the problem solved itself. Which made me think: Could walking around the park all day be equivalent to a 30 minute exhausting jog? I would like to say, yes. But...If all those other people in the park were benefiting from the same amount of exercise I imagined I had had that day, why were they so damn huge? Perhaps it was because of the giant roasted turkey legs I saw everyone eating with abandon...or the ice cream sandwiches and floppy hot dogs. I don't know...All I know is that dad and I had a blast counting the 8 out of 10 people who had stomachs hanging out over their pants....
And if any of you readers are profoundly obese, I apologize. Stop eating turkey legs. Or stop going to Disney World.
I don't know which is worse...
Posted by lexzog at Sat, April 3 | Comments (0)
Thu, April 1
Storage goes Political
Have you seen the latest ad campaign for Manhattan MiniStorage? For the past month, each time I'd seen this one ad in one of the cars of the F train (a little GI-Joe type figure, with the caption, "My owner's Ma put me here until the real fighting ends" or something like that), I was convinced someone grafittied those words there. They look like some smartass-hippy-flowerchild took out a Sharpie and went to town.
I debated this idea with my roomate (who else?), and she ventured otherwise- that this was part of the ad ITSELF. As in, they did it on purpose... Well, we disagreed about this over the past couple of weeks. Some punches were thrown. Jello wrestling transpired. I agreed to sleep with a circus midget if I was proven wrong... I maintained that because I only saw the ad on the F, that would mean it must be the same grafittied ad on the same exact train each time.
Lo and behold, today, we saw YET ANOTHER AD. This one had a Moosehead, like the kind you'd find in a cheesy ski-lodge mounted to the wall, and the caption read (something like), "So now my owner's a PETA activist."
WHAT?!?
First of all, the whole "owner" tag is a bit off-putting. It just doesn't flow. Don't you storage folks have editors? Who comes up with this stuff? I see your point, and your messages are well-meaning. But really, do you want us to store some of our shit in your little storage vicinity, or are you trying to work towards the greater good of mankind?
YOU ARE A FRIGGIN STORAGE FACILITY. NOT A PAMPHLET.
I'm sorry that you are only a "Mini" storage company, but please don't make up for your tiny stature with dumb ad campaigns bearing political messages. It just doesn't make sense. To me, at least.
Onto my next task: Any circus midgets out there? Today is your LUCKY day...
Posted by lexzog at Thu, April 1 | Comments (1)